NEW MUSIC: Best Night by ‘Joba

‘Joba (full name; Jesujoba Popoola), the highly talented crooner that stole the hearts of nigerians and africans during his performance on stage of MTN Project Fame Season 4 with his ‘rich, warm chocolate-like’ voice (as described by Joke Silva) and lively personality. A graduate of Human Physiology from the University of Ilorin, he started singing from back in secondary school and before deciding on going into the project fame academy and taking his music to the main stage. His music cutting edge is his vocal strength and control and his ability to interprete any form of music with his versatile stage charisma.
He dropped a hot love ballad titled ‘Forgive Me’ in 2012 and has not looked back since.

Following his seemingly long hiatus after MTN Project Fame 4, ‘Joba (the man with the big voice) certainly thrills our ears and minds with this absolutely brilliant piece of work titled ‘Best Night’:

Joba plays volley ball and table tennis, would laugh out loud at a good joke and defines his fun as hanging out with people of like passion and talent..

“Best Night” ‘Joba’s first official single is a mix of smooth, rich vocals and a rare funky groove, is produced by OMO of Native Music.

If you love good music, download and enjoy.

Best Night – ‘Joba



This article is based on true life experience






I didn’t sleep much cuz by 6am I was wide awake..and as always I reached for my phone which I had kept close by. Pings and pings to reply..I chuckled and wondered what Elizabeth would think if she woke up and went through my phone..contrary to public opinions, not all guys put up a password on their phones.. Quite a few guys don’t care, I am one of those few. For a lady to actually pick up my phone means she’s ready for the consequences *shrugs*…

I sat up and went about replying my pings and tweeting a lil while Elizabeth slept on, I glanced over to look at her once in a while. She had such a cute smile on her face while she slept..I grinned..nah, don’t think I was catching feelings, she just looked so cute while sleeping. After Kate and all, finally decided love wasn’t for people like me (that’s if there’s anyone out there as strange as I am). I continued with my phone till around 8:30am when Elizabeth rolled over and rested her head on my chest. She looked and smiled at me, I smiled back and kept on with my phone while she was looking at my fingers typing, I had nothing to hide. After a few minutes, I put my phone away and started cuddling her..

“Do you sleep at all?” She whispered…I didn’t reply..I was busy rolling her ass onto me properly. Funny how peeps think I don’t sleep. Like seriously, my cousins at home would tell you “Mayowa fit sleep ontop water’..lol..pointer to the fact that I tend to fall asleep at any effing time of the day..kinda life I live tho. *sighs*..

Once I had her fully on me, proceeded to let my hands underneath my shirt which was still on her..just kept rubbing her bare back while she buried her face between my neck and the pillow. I could feel my erection growing bigger. I stuck my face in her hair, close my eyes for a few seconds and took her off me.
I was reaching to take my boxers off when my phone rang..I looked at Elizabeth’s face, she had the ‘you are not gonna pick that’ look on..I just grinned and picked my phone..Caller ID was Demola, now what’s up?..

“Oga ade,where you dey?” He asked without any greeting sef.

“I dey bode thomas, wetin happen?”
“Dey come house jor, I know say you dey with woman. Sesan dey around with him girlfriend and Mugabs say he dey come too”

I so love hanging out with my school buddies..I didn’t even think about Elizabeth any more.

“All right..give me 20mins..shey food dey?”
“You dey mad, the one wey you chop yes…” I cut the call before he finished his speech.
Turned over to look at Elizabeth who was still cuddled up in bed. I kissed her forehead and told her I had an appointment to keep. She just shrugged as I headed for the bathroom..15mins later I was walking down the street to Demola’s place. On getting there, seems the whole gang was complete..on a early Saturday morning! Sesan and his girlfriend (whom he had met on 2go about 2years earlier, Ope who was the tallest amongst us, Mugabs, Jaiye and Kuru shortest and most troublesome). I could see about 3bottles of Russian Vodka on the floor, one was already empty.

“Weyreh you don go fuck olosho abi” Kuru spat out.

I smiled and replied “When I no be Demola na..you know say I no dey carry olosho”..everyone bursted out laughing, Demola just hissed and faced Mugabs..apparently he was in the middle of a story when I had walked in. I sat by the edge of the bed and listened

“The girl dey mad gan…walahi..as I dey fuck am, dey feel ontop of the world say yes I dey hammer am well..na so the idiot look up talk..”Do you know I don’t even know your surname”…omo my liver cut ni straight”….

We all bursted out laughing, I couldn’t believe a girl could be so insane. I pinched Sesan and asked which girl Demola was talking about and he said it was Bunmi Salau (oo Osu doughnut as we called her back in school cuz seriously that girl could fuck a horse).

“Wetin you con do?” Jaiye asked still laughing..

“I no do anything oo, but e be like say she noticed the expression for my face, she con begin dey make yeye yeye sounds ‘oo fuck me harder, yes yes!’I just dey curse the girl for my mind say na me she dey try deceive abi?”…Demola was shaking his head as he continued his story.

Everyone was laughing so hard that he had to pause. The girl had really belittled him.

“I no talk anything oo. We sha do finish. She go..I con sit down dey reason my life say no be say I don fuckup be dis?..well issorai, two days later I go Konigba (Konigba’s a popular joint in OOU. Popular cuz of an old woman that sold Jedi (local herbal drink)..I sit down, drank one bottle with those fried fish she dey always sell..as I reach house for evening, na so I call her to come over oo. I fuck this girl ehn, she scream by force”…

I was laughing so hard, I nearly fell off the bed. I had a first hand experience of what the jedi at Konigba could do to a man’s sexual prowess so I could relate to what he was saying. He continued…

“If to say I know say na me go suffer the consequences, I for no do strong head fuck am the second time o coz the next week wey I travel go house for Lagos..I fall sick ni straight! So te when dem carry me go hospital for checkup..I dey hundred percent sure say the Doctor know say I don go do pass myself. Since popsi dey beside me, the Doctor just code talk say make I reduce exercise and make I no too dey stress myself for school. I just dey nod say yes sir yes sir..me wey I know wetin cause my sickness..the following week wey I don recover small come back sch..as I dey drop for chips (the name of our bus stop) na Bunmi I first run into. I look up to Heaven ask if dem send dis girl to kill me ni. If you see the way she take smile at me ehn ask say wetin I bring come from house”…

Seriously I was pretty sure the sounds of our laughter could be heard outside the compound. This was effing hilarious..I was having a hard time breathing..he continued…..

“She sha help me carry bag go house..as we go enter room luckily,Lawal (his roomate then) dey room..I just greet dat one begin calcu how I go discharge the girl..na so she say she dey come oo. She comot for room. I dey relieved say she don go. I first sit down relax..con begin yarn Lawal d girl story..walahi e no reach 5minutes she don knock again oo..I just stand up enter toilet.”


To be continued………………………………………………….



This article is based on true life experience




I started paying more and more attention to the girls at the stripper pole and once I noticed there was a free seat close to the pole..I stood up with my drink and switched positions. The Vodka had started to take effect..I was sitting next to a handsome dude #NoHomo…I looked at him and shook his hand (effects of d Vodka)..he shook mine back and grinned..next thing I knew he was pouring me some Hennessy he had ordered..we started gisting like old buddies..drunkards..didn’t know what Gbenga whispered to one of d ‘strippers’, the next thing I noticed was that she was walking towards me, she got to my side and sat down my right hand immediately shot up and went straight round her ass and squeezed..she smiled and looked at me.

“I am Mayowa” I shouted over the loud noise of the club..I doubt if she heard me tho..she just smiled and nodded. I felt something tugging at my shirt…I looked and saw it was my new drinking buddy..I bent over to him and heard him say

“Introduce me na”..how was I to introduce him to a girl I barely knew sef?
While I was still thinking about this, the girl had stood up and returned to the pole..I faced the dude and said

“No worry, when she dance finish, I go introduce you”
“Correct guy” he replied as he shook my hand again.

I looked around for my cohorts. Richard was nowhere to be found, Gbenga was sitting close by with a girl on his laps (smart dude) Dapo was standing at the other side of the pole..a couple more drinks with my new found pal and I knew I had passed my limit (which rarely happens) I was trying to stay calm with little progress, I closed my eyes and opened them to see if I had become stable, wasn’t working..could now really understand the reason why the music was always turned up to the max in clubs. I stood up and started walking towards where I presumed to be the rest room, as I opened the door and got in, the music volume reduced, thank God, I definitely wasn’t going to throw up for one, but I knew sleep was inevitable, I opened a tap and splashed some water on my face then looked up at the mirror and started talking to myself, 1st step of madness, I must have spent about 10mins there talking to myself when I came back to reality. I was kinda steady now, about 40% normal I splashed some more water on my face again. Checked my phone it was just a few minute past 2am…fuck, I still had about two to three hours to deal with..I rubbed my forehead as I walked back to my seat and the noise once again..now Richard was nowhere in sight. I noticed Dapo was with a girl that looked very familiar..it was Cynthia a mutual friend of ours..when did she come in? I didn’t bother going over to say hello..just went straight to my seat and sat down..

Cynthia must have noticed me cuz when I looked up, I could see her making her way towards me. She had a cigar in hand (call her crazy).

“Where you dey since?” She shouted as she got closer..should I told her I had been practicing semi madness in the rest room?..
“I go use toilet”..I shouted back over the noise..she merely nodded and gave me d stick of cigar and headed back to Dapo…I looked at the cigar in my hand..still trying to maintain hold over my thoughts..the DJ had other plans..my new buddy saw the cigar in my hand and without much ado just passed me a lighter..that’s it..I am sure as hell gonna crash 2day!lighted up and blew d joint..Gbenga and his new catch had joined the dancing crowd..an hour or so must have passed when the stripper came over again…by this time I was 10% sane…as she was sitting next to me..I slid a thousand naira note into her panties..

“Wanna suck a dick” I asked before she could complete her thank you speech. She was taken aback and looked at me..
“Do you have a car?” At that instance I started cursing the bloody over-heating radiator that didn’t allow us come with a car..
“Nope..I don’t”
“Then where do you want it” she queried again..this was sure going to be one of my lucky nights..
“The rest room” that was the pretty obvious choice..there wasn’t any reaction from her..she merely smiled and nodded.
“I would meet you in there”

I couldn’t think straight in my drunken state anymore..I was about standing up when my new friend tapped me again…

“You don dey move?”
“Nah, I was use rest room..I dey come”
“Ok” even as he said that, he was slipping his complimentary card into my hand..finally agreed, we were both beyond drunk. I nodded at his gesture and made my way to the rest room once again..my brain was in such a haze I didn’t bother to look around this time for my friends..I got to the rest room and took a deep breath..I unhooked my belt buckle..strapped off my wristwatch..took out my phone and placed both on the zinc..I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe again..about 5mins now and she wasn’t here yet..I splashed water on my face again..10mins went by..still no show..15mins..hmm 20mins and then I started talking to myself again. Must have spent about extra 10mins doing that..now 20% sane..I got my wristwatch back on..picked my phone and headed back out..

Everywhere was rowdy as ever..Joke had come over to where we had been seated initially and was dancing with Richard..as I took my seat, she came over and started giving me a lap dance…my dick didn’t move an inch neither did I make any attempt to touch her..after a while she moved away and the inevitable happened..I dozed off! Right there in the center of a club where music was at its max.

It was nothing..it was plain old me doing weird things at weird moments..I slept off and dreamt of heaven which I may never get to if I continue like this.

It was plain old rest that I needed…don’t know how long I must have slept for, was awoken by movement between my legs..it was the stripper giving me a lap dance, what the hell was going on?..I was about to ask when she turned over her ass and made me take air in faster than normal…I sure as hell was getting hard..I placed my palm on her hips as sleep fled from me…she leaned backwards and asked if she could have my contacts, my brain was working anti-clockwise..I took out d card my drinking buddy had given me and slid it by the seams of her panties. When she finally stopped dancing and fully sat down on me..I collected her blackberry and attempted to add her up on BBM.

“Oh my BIS has expired” She said…by now I was about 60% sane..and her English laced with thick Igbo accent made me think properly..was this the girl that I had wanted to get down within the rest room..for once that night, I was grateful she hadn’t  showed up..call me stupid or senseless..I was very picky when it came to women..believe or not, I can’t sleep with a girl I can’t walk with confidently or take to an outing..I find intelligence quite sexy and from the way she spoke…trust me, she was way below average.

I merely nodded and passed her blackberry (bold5, what were you expecting?) back to her…I stood up and then looked around..the club was already rounding up and peeps were leaving already..I walked over to where Gbenga stood just to hear him say..

“Na we send that girl to come wake you oo, you just sleep like idiot go”..

I merely nodded and looked at Dapo..time to head home, all I wanted right now was a bed..I just wanna sleep and sleep cuz I might never get this opportunity again!
To be continued………………………………………………………………………
Don’t forget to follow @MayowaPhillips on twitter




This article is based on true life experience



The ride to Liquid Lounge was uneventful asides getting to see Allen Avenue’s bright lights at night. Got to the party venue and met d place all quiet.

“And my mind dey tell dis thing oo, say party no go don start” Gbenga said…
“Well no p..call Joke to find out where she dey” I told Richard.
While Richard was on the phone, Dapo suggested we visit the bar at Lagos Hotel which was directly opposite Liquid Lounge. We walked in and were walking towards the bamboo erected when Joke walked outta the hotel reception. She was looking funny as usual (she always looked funny in a good way to me). She had a nice short dress clinging to her body as a second dress.
  “Heeeeyy! You guys came” she said as she clapped and hugged us round. Of course we did. Who would turn down a birthday invitation on a Friday night? I started looking around while she stood and started gisting with us. Gbenga came to stand by my side..

“Omo if to say we know ni, we for don arrange get room for here” he said as we both looked upwards to the hotel logo.
“Yea, we don eff up jare..and I no even sure say vacant rooms go still dey” I replied.
We stood outside, took a couple of pictures (Dapo was obsessed with photographs, if he was brushing his teeth he’d take a picture. Pretty sure he took pictures of himself while sleeping sef, don’t know how tho)..I wasn’t a fan of the camera..can’t even recall an instance I actually sat and took pictures of myself. Always feeling I’m too ugly for the camera and I think its pretty much true.

“Which twitter babe dey here already?” Richard asked Joke..I paid more attention to them
“Dat Edo babe is around and some other girls” She replied as she started listing.

I recognized the handle *Dat Edo babe*,I think I started following it a few days ago sef. I pulled my phone outta my pocket and quickly scrolled through my “following”.. Wanted to view her avi and know what she looked like b4 hand. Found her and clicked on her avi.. She looked okay. Nothing outta d ordinary, Gbenga who knew what I was doing took my phone off my hands and looked at her avi too.

“She no bad” was his comment
 “Well at least one of us fit set P”.

Joke excused herself and said she had to get back to her room. Well we decided to step into the hotel reception and check things out. Met 4 girls sitting on the couch in d lobby. I changed my direction and went towards d girls, Gbenga followed. I found a single seater couch opposite the girls and sat down. Greeted them wit a feeble ‘hello’..they replied with ‘hello’ hi’ and concentrated on their phones. I pulled mine out and went straight to twitter. Wanted to see if there was any buzz about the party. Gbenga on the other hand had also found a couch. After a few minutes of scrolling up and down my TL, I still found nothing. Sighs, hopefully we’d have fun sha. Richard and Dapo came over, Dapo also took a seat while Richard came to whisper in my ear

Dem say cheapest room for here na 10k”

I nodded feeling like a godfather. The girls looked up once or twice. We all sat there paying attention to our phones till Dapo said he wanted to buy something at the roadside mallam outside. We all stood up together and headed out..got to the mallam (who speaks fluent Yoruba by d way)..I bought a pack of chewing gum same as Dapo. Then saw a pack of cheap tobacco..
“Oga,how much?” I asked
“Na 500naira” came the reply..I wasn’t a smoker but hey it was still tobacco.
“Make we buy 2..at least e better pass cigar” Gbenga chipped in.
Dapo bought 2..handed it over to Richard..Finally! Figured out what had been bugging me..Slippers (palms as we call them) aren’t allowed into clubs. Dapo had fucking forgotten to pack his footwear into his bag..I took a quick glance at Richard’s feet..same thing..fuck. Well, same noni. We quickly deliberated amongst ourselves then decided Dapo and Richard go talk to the Bouncers before the club opened proper. They came back in less than 5mins..the bouncers wanted a tip..no problem then. After lingering outside for a few more minutes, the club opened proper and peeps started moving in. Gbenga and I went ahead 1st..I slipped 1k into the hands of one of the bouncers as I pointed to Richard and Dapo walking up behind us. The bouncer merely nodded and we walked in..checked my phone’s battery (70%) fair enough, I got a spare in my pocket. Got in and picked a round table to sit at. I looked around, noticed about three stripper poles, nice! Found a door which no doubt leads to the restrooms..I saw a passage that leads to another section..maybe that was where Joke had booked for her party..I stood up and proceeded to find out..I was stopped at d entrance to the section by another set of bouncers..told me I couldn’t go in. Well would have to chill till the celebrant came in..speaking of which, where the hell was she?.

“We no fit just sit down like this” Gbenga said as I got back to my seat. Music had started playing tho no one had started dancing yet.

Everybody was more pre-occupied with making new acquaintances.

‘Wetin make we order?” I asked Dapo since he was the one funding this outing (his cash was in my pocket).

“I no know..just order” he replied..he wasn’t really an alcohol person and I was semi-retired sef. Its all good, I ordered something to kill the night (Vodka and cranberry juice).

Thirty minutes on and the club was in full swing..I was still sitted tho, Richard and Gbenga had stood up and started dancing..2 girls had taken up position at the stripper pole close to where we were seated. One was pretty big (sorry jare, lemme say fat), the other had a very tempting physique..nice round ass and dope boobs..she was wearing a net top (don’t know what girls call it, their clothes dey always get funny names nowadays) that made it pretty obvious she was on a tiny pink bra…my cup was empty, I quickly poured up a mixture of vodka and a lil cranberry. Dapo was more content with the cranberry. Joke had come in, spent a few minutes at our table before moving on.

To be continued…………………………………………………….


Remember to follow @MayowaPhillips on twitter




This article is based on true life experience



I was already missing Ibadan and its just 2 weeks since I left for Lagos. It felt like I’ve been out of Lagos for years, here I am back to the traffic, hustling and all. There’s indeed no place like LAGOS.

I’ve not really settled in Lagos, I was already getting ready to hit the club for Joke’s birthday party, been a long time I went to the club. The venue was Liquid Lounge; Ikeja which had apparently now turned out to be the reigning club for sturvs just like GTBank was the top bank for our age-group. Not usually a club person but she’s a personal friend. I pinged Gbenga and asked if he would like to go. I sure needed backup and sharp guys despite the fact that I was going with my cousin Dapo.

    “Twitter girls go dey there?” Was his reply
    “Sure, she sabi most of ’em so them suppose show face”..I buzzed back at him.
    “No lele then, make we go..na even friday night”

So it was all set, friday night – Joke’s birthday.

What to do during the week…with all I had gone through in Ibadan of late, sex was the last thing on my mind. I had decided I’ll be celibate for a while, wanted to gain more weight. Most of the two weeks had been spent visiting the cinema, seeing old friends (mostly girls) etc.  Began to spend more time with my phone, twitter was buzzing as usual, trust Nigerians, we would always come up with something, the whole “Oga @ the top” Saga had finally blown over. Now its was someone I considered a moron that was trending, @NickyButtercup.

Apparently a twitter dude had tried to set P with her, they must have been chatting for a while or whatever but the breakdown is the dude sent her a pic of his dick (looking small tho) and had obviously sent her 9k too. Along d line, they must have had some misunderstanding and the next thing the pea-brained girl felt the required thing to do was to twitpic d guy’s dick and start telling us all about how the guy sent her 9k.

Like seriously?!!! Did she think it was the guy that was gonna lose in the long-term? No right-thinking guy would ever want get close to her. A girl with a loose mouth that can pull down a country. Of course she had d voltrons laughing at her every tweet. She obviously couldn’t see beyond her nose. And the sad part was she couldn’t even make it into twitter NG Top100 most beautiful (no hard feelings just airing my views).

My DMs was becoming short; one thing I had learnt was always to be brief and straight to the point. And if a girl should give you her pin or contact details, you had an 80% chance of fucking her. But since I was on sex-leave, I just kept collecting pins/contact details and piling them. My BBM was buzzing, wasn’t for the sex but I chatted with the girls in a way that sex could come up anytime. Salewa kept in contact, I didn’t tell her I had moved back to Lagos permanently, just said I would be away for some weeks. The girl dey find who to kill. I was still on a job search to take my mind off the whole thing. I was living way too dangerous.

Friday arrived and all was set. Dapo felt we could hijack our aunt’s car..his though.

      ”Omo, if the party boring, we fit find girl come fuck for car”

Arrrrgghhh!! WTF was with everyone and fucking in a car?! I just shook my head as we headed off to our aunt’s place.

Spent the next 2 hours whining and playing puppy eyes with her before she finally dropped her car keys. If we had known what we were in for, we wouldn’t have picked up the car at all. A couple of streets away, the car started over-heating and I started feeling nauseous. Fuck, couldn’t remember the last time I was car sick. I asked my Dapo to park at the Mr Biggs outlet close to the estate gate.. I got out of the car shivering; I managed to get myself together and walked in. I ordered a big bowl of ice-cream cuz I was feeling pretty empty inside. I was still shivering tho, what the hell was wrong with me? I got my ice-cream with two doughnuts (my usual, I hardly ever ordered proper food at an eatery cuz it was more or less an appetizer). Walked back to the car..

                   “How va, e don cool down?” I asked

I asked as I sunk my teeth into the 1st doughnut.

       “Yup, make we dey go” he replied as he started up the car.

I got in..was feeling pretty light-headed. What the fuck was wrong with me.

I just wasn’t myself. Couldn’t even take more than a few spoons out of the ice-cream. I was feeling really hot and light-headed. I unbuttoned my shirt since I was now pretty sure I was suffering from car-sickness.
After a couple more stops along the way to cool down the radiator, we finally made it to Shitta where another aunt of ours was having a lil birthday celebration. I was so happy to be finally out of the car. Picked up my phone and pinged Gbenga. Told him to meet up at Shitta and we’d all head down to Ikeja for the party. He replied that he was on his way..good, needed to clear my head. Got a plate of rice and a cup of red-wine. Something ticked off in my head, reminding we have several bottles of vodka in the trunk of the car. Well that would be for later. Eating and scrolling down my TL,was trying to check up on who and who were heading to @Mrs_Arteta’s party. Was always good 2 know beforehand. Saw a tweet from @Bukkylicious saying she was sad or something, that she wasn’t gonna make the party..strike one. Didn’t really find much buzz.Well I wasn’t going for them. Gbenga arrived about an hour later, buzzed me that he was at Shitta round-about. Went to meet him, I wanted to check up at my uncle at leisure mall, to see if I could scam some change outta his pocket. So we took a keke napep to Bode Thomas junction. Got off at Shoprite.

Funny how most people don’t know there’s a cinema yet at Surulere.. And I sorta liked it that way, less people more fun unlike Ozone which was always crowded..Unilag’s playground. Met my uncle, after a few dribbles and leg-overs, I ended up not getting anything from him. *sighs* guess I’d have to go to the party with a low pocket balance.

“Oh boy, how movement go be?” Gbenga asked as we rode in a keke napep back to Shitta.
“We go rough am..we dey reason our aunt car before but that car dey do one kain. We fit bone am, charter taxi go jare”..I pulled my phone outta my pocket and tweeted..*car on over-heating finz, guess its cab finz 2 @Mrs_Arteta’s birthday*. That earned me a ‘Lmao’ and a RT from her.

We got to the house and found Richard (another of my cousins) had arrived. He was also planning on attending the party. We all started a lil drinking and gisting till it was past 8pm.

“Bobo, make we dey move. You know say we gast still go return this car. We know fit take am along, make e go overheat for road kooba us” I said to Dapo.
“One mechanic don come change d radiator sef. E don cool down but make we dey go. Make we go park am” he pipped.

We started picking up our bag packs, everyone had one containing d clothes they wanted 2 change into. Dapo didn’t have any footwear in his bagpack,something pricked me about this but I just could pinpoint what. We started out, en-route Ikotun to drop the car…I was feeling a lil nauseous but wasn’t as severe as earlier.

Luckily, the traffic to Ikotun was lighter than usual. Got to our aunt’s place 30 mins later. Parked at a car-wash next to her shop.

      ”Ahan, you boys are not going with the car anymore” She asked as she saw us.
      “No, the radiator dey do one kain..so it’s better if we just take a cab” Dapo replied.
       “Ok ooo, guess I can still drive you guys to the car-park” She offered.
       “Sure, just one minute. We wanna change clothes”. My mind worked fast.

And so we all started changing clothes at the car-wash. It was almost 9:30 and @Mrs_Arteta had told me the party venue would be shutting its doors at 10pm..if I hear! It was probably just African timing. Guys don’t spend hours getting clothed. 5mins is enough for any regular guy. Jeans on and belt after tucking your singlet in, get a lil body spray or perfume on(whichever u use) and drap your shirt over your head. Extra time is spent getting your footwear on.

5mins and we were good to go. We all got into the car; it now looked pretty small for d 5 of us. It’s a Toyota Solara, 2 doors.. So 3 of us had to squeeze up at the back while one person had d luxury of a front seat. She found a car park and dropped us; I walked to the nearest cab and negotiated a N2500 fare to Liquid Lounge. My aunt found that too much and re-negotiated it to N2000. Oh well, as far as we sha get there on time.


Don’t forget to follow Mayowa on Twitter @mayowaPHILLIPS






This article is based on true life experience



I still couldn’t believe what these guys were saying, how can any right thinking guy fuck for just 300 naira in this HIV/AIDS and other STDs era. This just doesn’t sound right. Well who am I to judge them, its their life and they were sure living it the way they want…

“Haba na, how you go fuck olosho for 300naira? Which kain package be that?” I had regained my composure.
“Omo, no be say you go carry am go house oo. Na on the spot fucking”..Dayo replied.

Hmmm, no wonder Demola had been talking about fucking in Dayo’s car. I just wasn’t interested. The cheaper prostitutes come, the closer you get to dying.

“Wait sef, Mayo..so you wan say you never fuck olosho for your life before?” Loco asked me.
“Nope” I replied as I sipped my redwine again.
“You be confirm weyreh. Wetin be your own definition of olosho sef?” Demola was asking now.
“Any girl that sleeps with you and expects to get paid in one form or the other na confirm olosho”..I pipped out.

Everyone at the table bursted out laughing.

“Mayo, walahi you don kolo finish” Loco said….
“Na fact na..even if na BIS she want make you help her pay or make you hire cab take her go house..all na same” I continued
“Forget Mayo jare, make we go if we don finish”

Demola was obviously fired up and ready to go. Conversation carried on..varied from one subject to another. When boys and bottles are gathered together at a table, anything and everything can be discussed. I was feeling pretty weak, apparently the effects of last night. As we rounded up, I shook everyone’s hand and told them I’d be on my way while they headed to Queen cinema (where ever that was sha).
I hopped on a bike and started heading home. It was still early afternoon and I was pretty sure those boys were still going to be there drinking till evening or probably there was a nice drinking spot at Queen’s cinema….

Got home and found out our trip to Lagos had been delayed by 2days, oh well.  Spent the next 2days thinking about my stay in Ibadan and there was pretty no doubt I was going to miss it all. I slowly packed on the D-day we were to leave Ibadan. Even Dad could tell there was something wrong but couldn’t ask. Didn’t tell Dayo I was leaving Ibadan finally, just ping’d him to say I was travelling to Lagos. Probably he taught it was one of my short impromptu trips.. My last night in Ibadan was spent at the bar next door..all my drinks were on Shola. Luckily for him, I didn’t drink beer (not a fan). He got me a bottle of Redwine and a plate of fried pomo. He was pretty sad to hear I was leaving..I had become his close padi..

The redwine was half gone when Mario walked into the bar. Mario was a Lead City dude that stayed in the area. We met and gisted once in a while at the bar. Tonight the look on his face was grimm though.

“Bros, how e dey go na?” He hailed me..always called me ‘bros’ for reasons best known to him. He sat down and ordered a pack of white london cigarettes. Forgot to tell you, he’s a heavy smoker.
“I gentle jare, wetin dey?” I shook his hand as he sat opposite me.
“Asin this life no funny at all oo” He started as he lit up his 1st cigarette of the night.
“School parole?” I asked.
“Na” he heaved then sighed..it must be something pretty serious.
“My girl get belle ni”. He blurted out
“Ehn”. I dropped my cup. No wonder the yeye boi was in a wahala state. He was d butty type so it was obviously all new to him.
“You don confirm say she get belle?” I asked.
“Yea, we don go comot am today”


The boy was smarter than I gave him credit for. Already taken the girl for an abortion but what was he still worried about?

“So why you still con dwy downcast like this?”
“I chop slap 2day ehn”
“Slap ke?, wetin consine slap and pregnancy?” I was really confused..
“Na my girl friend dey slap me. Before the stupid doctor start the abortion, he first dey give us one yeye lecture. As he dey drop each sentence, my girlfriend just dey slap me. Especially when he talk say she fit die”
“Wait, Doctor tell una say she fit die?” I bursted out laughing. That must be one crazy doctor.
“No, not like that jare. He just dey try explain”..
He started to light up a second stick.

Doctors nowadays have really gone bananas. I had followed a friend once to go have an abortion (and no, the pregnancy wasn’t mine before you guys start thinking otherwise). The doctor then didn’t even ask or say any story..just collected his 5k and did the abortion that lasted just 4 minutes 12 seconds (yes I timed it). Well that was years ago and story for another day.

I just told Mario to calm down and forget since it had already been done and the worse was over. Got an extra cup and poured him redwine to cool his blood. That girlfriend of his must be a real tough one. I spent over 3 hours ar the bar that night, gisting with Mario and Shola, exchanging banters with most of the bar regulars who I knew. And it was time to go. I stood up, patted Mario and walked to the next compound which had been my home 4 the last 16 months. Tomorrow I’d be back in my city which was no longer as appealing as 5 months ago. Well no one knows what tomorrow holds, no one knows. My thoughts were blank as I entered the house, locked the gate. Got to my room, stripped then noticed my phone was blinking..a ping from Salewa, I didn’t bother reading it, just stepped into the bathroom and let the water run…………..

NB: Starting from next month y’all be having Adventures of a Social Network Addict (THE LAGOS CHRONICLES). You don’t want to miss this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



This article is based on true life experience



My whole day seemed ruined before it had even kicked off. The news about Lagos had really stunned me. Sleep was taken off again as usual and I was left alone. I sat up in bed for an hour or more. NEPA (as we call them) restored the power. I picked up my blackberry, found my charger close-by and plugged it into the nearest power outlet. I had positioned my bed in just that way so I could sit up and chat for hours with my phone plugged into the wall socket.
Needed to clear my head..switched on my phone and scrolled through my apps. What to do sef? Everything just seemed blank to me. Dayo pinged, asking “how va?” and “what time I was coming over to his place?”. “Sighs..I am really gonna miss this dude when I go back to Lagos. No pings from Salewa, probably sleeping. And here I am I couldn’t get myself to close my eyes for even a minute. I got up and walked to the kitchen. There was some left over rice in the pot, it was still warm..Grannie must have heated it up this morning. I took a plate and served myself..got some soup on it and headed back to my room. The LED notification on my  phone was blinking red. Probably Salewa had woken up and had buzzed. I picked up my phone and checked. The ping wasn’t from Salewa..it was from Kunle.

“Where you dey?” The 1st ping
“I dey ibadan, wetin happen?” My reply…
“Good..abeg I need your help. U dey do anything today”

Now what does this dude want?

“Nah, I free, wetin dey”
“Good. Abeg I want make you help me arrange lunch for Sumi and her friends”
“Jor na. I forget tell you say na Ibadan she dey serve. She dey live with 3 of her friends. All of them be corpers sef”

Arrrrgghhh! Sumi was Kunle’s girlfriend..never met her tho the yeye boy was always bragging about him finally settling down with her. I never argued with him..was always helping him count the months though.

“Chill…explain wella”
“Ok I promise Sumi lunch today..sharwama and sprite..na long story sha but the koko na say you dey ibadan,she dey ib”
“Bobo, No1 you no dey ibadan and u promise person lunch.. No2 yo,u know if I broke?”
“Mayo, couple jor..she get 3 flatmates all lawyers”

I sighed..I knew where he was headed. Probably thinking I could hit it off wit one of them and settle down..smh, friends I have sha. So now I was been set-up… He gave me her pin and I added her up.. after chatting for a while..she told me she would like the lunch on Saturday..something about been busy at court..something something sha..let her pray I’d still be in ibadan by then sha. A call came thru..was Dayo..

“Guy, how far..you never wake ni?”
“I don wake jare, weyreh boi. Chill make I bathe..I dey come your side now”..sighs I just had to go.
“No come house oo,come block us for bubbles”..

They were on a drinking spree..just perfect, what I so needed. I headed off to the bathroom. Left my phone playing Linkin Park’s “What I’ve done” as I bathed. 15mins later I was telling popsi goodbye..I had to quickly see someone at U.I…my usual format. I went outta the house without any sight of grannie. Better that way. Wasn’t ready for any more stare-downs.

My life was going too fast..way too fast and I knew I had to slow down. A cab and a bike later and I was at bubbles with my pals again..from the looks of things, today was the official drinking day..3 bottles of Star, a medium sized bottle of Mcdowells, a bottle of Fayrouz were already suffering.

“Mayo baba, sit down..make I order Red wine for you” Dayo and this yeye greetings. Asides Dayo and Demola, there were 2 other guys seated at the table whom I recognised as Dayo’s co-workers. One was Loco and the other I didn’t really remember his name. We had hanged-out before and they were fun to be with. Thank God, no girl..this was sure gonna be fun.

“Omo make we enter there tonight” Obviously there had been a discussion going on before I popped up.
“Ehen oya na, freestyle things..and if any thing happen I fit fuck inside Dayo car” Demola said.

Fuck ke?! My ears picked up those words fast..what the hell were they talkin about?

“Mayo you sef go fall in?” Dayo was now facing me. Just then a waiter arrived with my redwine.
“Fall in where?” I was pouring out my drink as I asked back.
“We wan play go queen cinema this night jare…oo I don forget say you no dey fuck olosho” all of them bursted out laughing as Dayo said this. I sighed and dropped the redwine bottle.
“I no know wetin una dey enjoy for olosho package” I blurted out.
“Wait chill..make I define olosho give u..” Demola talking..”An olosho is any girl who asks for money after una don straff. She fit ask for the money in one form or the other”…
“Bobo, na me you wan dey define olosho for ni? I know as e dey go.” I took a sip..
“Oya make we forget definition..we dey go queen cinema this evening sha” Loco said.
“Wetin dey happen there? Party dey ni”
“Na, we just wan go arrange some girls jare..make we drink fuck better tonight”..
“You wan go spend money on olosho this night? Issorai abeg make una arrange 5k gimme sha before una go” in reality my bank account was bleeding.
“Mayo ole, how much dem dey fuck olosho for queen cinema? Na 300naira.” Dayo bursted out laughing…


A lot of people have been asking for Mayowa’s contact details, well you can follow him on twitter @mayowaPHILLIPS.