This article is based on true life experience



I still couldn’t believe what these guys were saying, how can any right thinking guy fuck for just 300 naira in this HIV/AIDS and other STDs era. This just doesn’t sound right. Well who am I to judge them, its their life and they were sure living it the way they want…

“Haba na, how you go fuck olosho for 300naira? Which kain package be that?” I had regained my composure.
“Omo, no be say you go carry am go house oo. Na on the spot fucking”..Dayo replied.

Hmmm, no wonder Demola had been talking about fucking in Dayo’s car. I just wasn’t interested. The cheaper prostitutes come, the closer you get to dying.

“Wait sef, Mayo..so you wan say you never fuck olosho for your life before?” Loco asked me.
“Nope” I replied as I sipped my redwine again.
“You be confirm weyreh. Wetin be your own definition of olosho sef?” Demola was asking now.
“Any girl that sleeps with you and expects to get paid in one form or the other na confirm olosho”..I pipped out.

Everyone at the table bursted out laughing.

“Mayo, walahi you don kolo finish” Loco said….
“Na fact na..even if na BIS she want make you help her pay or make you hire cab take her go house..all na same” I continued
“Forget Mayo jare, make we go if we don finish”

Demola was obviously fired up and ready to go. Conversation carried on..varied from one subject to another. When boys and bottles are gathered together at a table, anything and everything can be discussed. I was feeling pretty weak, apparently the effects of last night. As we rounded up, I shook everyone’s hand and told them I’d be on my way while they headed to Queen cinema (where ever that was sha).
I hopped on a bike and started heading home. It was still early afternoon and I was pretty sure those boys were still going to be there drinking till evening or probably there was a nice drinking spot at Queen’s cinema….

Got home and found out our trip to Lagos had been delayed by 2days, oh well.  Spent the next 2days thinking about my stay in Ibadan and there was pretty no doubt I was going to miss it all. I slowly packed on the D-day we were to leave Ibadan. Even Dad could tell there was something wrong but couldn’t ask. Didn’t tell Dayo I was leaving Ibadan finally, just ping’d him to say I was travelling to Lagos. Probably he taught it was one of my short impromptu trips.. My last night in Ibadan was spent at the bar next door..all my drinks were on Shola. Luckily for him, I didn’t drink beer (not a fan). He got me a bottle of Redwine and a plate of fried pomo. He was pretty sad to hear I was leaving..I had become his close padi..

The redwine was half gone when Mario walked into the bar. Mario was a Lead City dude that stayed in the area. We met and gisted once in a while at the bar. Tonight the look on his face was grimm though.

“Bros, how e dey go na?” He hailed me..always called me ‘bros’ for reasons best known to him. He sat down and ordered a pack of white london cigarettes. Forgot to tell you, he’s a heavy smoker.
“I gentle jare, wetin dey?” I shook his hand as he sat opposite me.
“Asin this life no funny at all oo” He started as he lit up his 1st cigarette of the night.
“School parole?” I asked.
“Na” he heaved then sighed..it must be something pretty serious.
“My girl get belle ni”. He blurted out
“Ehn”. I dropped my cup. No wonder the yeye boi was in a wahala state. He was d butty type so it was obviously all new to him.
“You don confirm say she get belle?” I asked.
“Yea, we don go comot am today”


The boy was smarter than I gave him credit for. Already taken the girl for an abortion but what was he still worried about?

“So why you still con dwy downcast like this?”
“I chop slap 2day ehn”
“Slap ke?, wetin consine slap and pregnancy?” I was really confused..
“Na my girl friend dey slap me. Before the stupid doctor start the abortion, he first dey give us one yeye lecture. As he dey drop each sentence, my girlfriend just dey slap me. Especially when he talk say she fit die”
“Wait, Doctor tell una say she fit die?” I bursted out laughing. That must be one crazy doctor.
“No, not like that jare. He just dey try explain”..
He started to light up a second stick.

Doctors nowadays have really gone bananas. I had followed a friend once to go have an abortion (and no, the pregnancy wasn’t mine before you guys start thinking otherwise). The doctor then didn’t even ask or say any story..just collected his 5k and did the abortion that lasted just 4 minutes 12 seconds (yes I timed it). Well that was years ago and story for another day.

I just told Mario to calm down and forget since it had already been done and the worse was over. Got an extra cup and poured him redwine to cool his blood. That girlfriend of his must be a real tough one. I spent over 3 hours ar the bar that night, gisting with Mario and Shola, exchanging banters with most of the bar regulars who I knew. And it was time to go. I stood up, patted Mario and walked to the next compound which had been my home 4 the last 16 months. Tomorrow I’d be back in my city which was no longer as appealing as 5 months ago. Well no one knows what tomorrow holds, no one knows. My thoughts were blank as I entered the house, locked the gate. Got to my room, stripped then noticed my phone was blinking..a ping from Salewa, I didn’t bother reading it, just stepped into the bathroom and let the water run…………..

NB: Starting from next month y’all be having Adventures of a Social Network Addict (THE LAGOS CHRONICLES). You don’t want to miss this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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