This article is based on true life experience



My whole day seemed ruined before it had even kicked off. The news about Lagos had really stunned me. Sleep was taken off again as usual and I was left alone. I sat up in bed for an hour or more. NEPA (as we call them) restored the power. I picked up my blackberry, found my charger close-by and plugged it into the nearest power outlet. I had positioned my bed in just that way so I could sit up and chat for hours with my phone plugged into the wall socket.
Needed to clear my head..switched on my phone and scrolled through my apps. What to do sef? Everything just seemed blank to me. Dayo pinged, asking “how va?” and “what time I was coming over to his place?”. “Sighs..I am really gonna miss this dude when I go back to Lagos. No pings from Salewa, probably sleeping. And here I am I couldn’t get myself to close my eyes for even a minute. I got up and walked to the kitchen. There was some left over rice in the pot, it was still warm..Grannie must have heated it up this morning. I took a plate and served myself..got some soup on it and headed back to my room. The LED notification on my  phone was blinking red. Probably Salewa had woken up and had buzzed. I picked up my phone and checked. The ping wasn’t from Salewa..it was from Kunle.

“Where you dey?” The 1st ping
“I dey ibadan, wetin happen?” My reply…
“Good..abeg I need your help. U dey do anything today”

Now what does this dude want?

“Nah, I free, wetin dey”
“Good. Abeg I want make you help me arrange lunch for Sumi and her friends”
“Jor na. I forget tell you say na Ibadan she dey serve. She dey live with 3 of her friends. All of them be corpers sef”

Arrrrgghhh! Sumi was Kunle’s girlfriend..never met her tho the yeye boy was always bragging about him finally settling down with her. I never argued with him..was always helping him count the months though.

“Chill…explain wella”
“Ok I promise Sumi lunch today..sharwama and sprite..na long story sha but the koko na say you dey ibadan,she dey ib”
“Bobo, No1 you no dey ibadan and u promise person lunch.. No2 yo,u know if I broke?”
“Mayo, couple jor..she get 3 flatmates all lawyers”

I sighed..I knew where he was headed. Probably thinking I could hit it off wit one of them and settle down..smh, friends I have sha. So now I was been set-up… He gave me her pin and I added her up.. after chatting for a while..she told me she would like the lunch on Saturday..something about been busy at court..something something sha..let her pray I’d still be in ibadan by then sha. A call came thru..was Dayo..

“Guy, how far..you never wake ni?”
“I don wake jare, weyreh boi. Chill make I bathe..I dey come your side now”..sighs I just had to go.
“No come house oo,come block us for bubbles”..

They were on a drinking spree..just perfect, what I so needed. I headed off to the bathroom. Left my phone playing Linkin Park’s “What I’ve done” as I bathed. 15mins later I was telling popsi goodbye..I had to quickly see someone at U.I…my usual format. I went outta the house without any sight of grannie. Better that way. Wasn’t ready for any more stare-downs.

My life was going too fast..way too fast and I knew I had to slow down. A cab and a bike later and I was at bubbles with my pals again..from the looks of things, today was the official drinking day..3 bottles of Star, a medium sized bottle of Mcdowells, a bottle of Fayrouz were already suffering.

“Mayo baba, sit down..make I order Red wine for you” Dayo and this yeye greetings. Asides Dayo and Demola, there were 2 other guys seated at the table whom I recognised as Dayo’s co-workers. One was Loco and the other I didn’t really remember his name. We had hanged-out before and they were fun to be with. Thank God, no girl..this was sure gonna be fun.

“Omo make we enter there tonight” Obviously there had been a discussion going on before I popped up.
“Ehen oya na, freestyle things..and if any thing happen I fit fuck inside Dayo car” Demola said.

Fuck ke?! My ears picked up those words fast..what the hell were they talkin about?

“Mayo you sef go fall in?” Dayo was now facing me. Just then a waiter arrived with my redwine.
“Fall in where?” I was pouring out my drink as I asked back.
“We wan play go queen cinema this night jare…oo I don forget say you no dey fuck olosho” all of them bursted out laughing as Dayo said this. I sighed and dropped the redwine bottle.
“I no know wetin una dey enjoy for olosho package” I blurted out.
“Wait chill..make I define olosho give u..” Demola talking..”An olosho is any girl who asks for money after una don straff. She fit ask for the money in one form or the other”…
“Bobo, na me you wan dey define olosho for ni? I know as e dey go.” I took a sip..
“Oya make we forget definition..we dey go queen cinema this evening sha” Loco said.
“Wetin dey happen there? Party dey ni”
“Na, we just wan go arrange some girls jare..make we drink fuck better tonight”..
“You wan go spend money on olosho this night? Issorai abeg make una arrange 5k gimme sha before una go” in reality my bank account was bleeding.
“Mayo ole, how much dem dey fuck olosho for queen cinema? Na 300naira.” Dayo bursted out laughing…


A lot of people have been asking for Mayowa’s contact details, well you can follow him on twitter @mayowaPHILLIPS.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s