This article is based on true life experience
“As I pull the girl pants down, put my dick inside am (her pussy), na so, condom burst” …(Buhahahaha, Dayo is mad!).
“Serious? Wetin u con do?”…my stomach was really on fire, the gin had turned over my whole system.
“Bobo, I fuck am like that ooo. The girl pussy tight die, na so she put legs round me begin dey give me correct ringtone”…
On any normal day, his story would be giving me a hard-on but right now my stomach was upside down..sweating like a lamb been led to slaughter.
“When I go release like this, I pour everything inside am”…. (My padi is really sick, he obviously wants more kids).
“Why she no con go house when una straff finish?”
“The girl na don kolo jare….she say she enjoy am say she wan sleep over since time don go but say we no go fuck again..I no argue wit am..around 1am wey I don even dey sleep, na she carry my dick dey play with am..con begin ride am..d girl kolo gan”.
“Bobo, I dey go toilet!”..I stood up and marched to the toilet..sat down.
“But wait ooo! How you go con do Busola parole? Shebi you talk say na her friend?!”.I shouted from the toilet.
“Chill na…….make I finish. When morning reach, na so the girl begin cry ooo say I don make am betray her friend”
Buhahahahaha, I laughed and almost fell off d toilet seat!
“I sha beg am say make she no vex, say na konji finz. She dey cry I dey pet am..con ask am say how I fit make am up to am. She say she go think and let me know”..
Why do I get d funny feeling I know where this is gonna end? Cleaned up, got outta the toilet.
“Bobo, abeg put on PS make I flog you small.”
I picked up d PS pad on d floor, time to burn time. My phone rang, checked the caller ID…..turned out to be Miss Cutie (the Twitter chic) this evening’s date
“Hello, Mayo ermm just wanted to ask if it was okay if I brought a friend along.”
Scratching head (Rule No 3 “When a lady’s bringing a friend along for a 1st date. Just know you have been bragged about and you are about to be examined”).
“Sure, why not”.. (Rule No 4 “Never turn down the request..sends out the wrong signal”).
“Dayo, how far? Which time you dey go work today?”…always have a plan B to counter with.
“I dey off 2day..no work. Wetin dey?.
“Nufin, e get one parole wey I wan clear today and she dey come with her friend”…
“Correct, make we fall in together na”……
Yeyeboi, why wouldn’t he wanna fall in?. Game on! Time to whoop some butts….Playstation I mean.
Played soccer till around 5pm..totally lost track of time. Feeling really tired and empty..the gin effect had worn off.
“Bobo, how far?. Make we dey move..go baff” I told Dayo.. Just then his phone beeped..probably a text, he bursted out laughing..
“Mayo,walahi girls crazy gan”
“Busola’s friend just send me text..she say she wan do some runz 4 school and say she need 30k”…
Crazy. The girl obviously wanted to turn Dayo to an ATM machine, I guess that’s how she wants him to make it up to her…….My padi sharp pass this na.. Dumb girl.
I thought Dayo was a sharp guy but I was wrong, he said he’ll give the chic the money.
“Ehn!! My ears were obviously off-duty. This boy couldn’t possibly be thinking about giving her the money……….
“I go give am 22k for now jare, con tell am say I go give am the remaining 8k next time I wan fuck am”..
“U still wan fuck am?!” The gin effect was back.
“Yes oo,the girl pussy tight die”.
“Bobo, do make we dey go jare.” This boy was really sick upstairs.
We got into his car and he drove off.
“I see ur PM last nite, you say you wan settle down this year”..he started
“I just dey joke jare”..
“You dey hear form kate”…he always had dis obsession with my ex who he saw only once at a party.
“Yup……..I added her 4 BBM 2weeks back”..
“Oooo you wan get back with am”.
“Bobo, drive jor, these your questions don dey too much, nothing has changed. I let her go for a reason”
“Which you no tell am”…
“Ehen so, no be one yeye boi wan break up with him girlfriend, lie give am say him mama no want make he marry Edo girl after 2yrs”..
“Buhahahaha Mayo,walahi you no well again”.
We drove in silence till we got to Challenge…….the date was to be at Real Food and Wine. Looked for a nice spot to park and got down. The ever busy Challenge roundabout tho, small compared to Shitta roundabout. We went upstairs to the restaurant and picked a nice corner overlooking the road ( Rule No 4 “When going on a first date, always pick a spot where you can have a very good view of who’s coming and who’s going). Dayo ordered a bottle of Star, I ordered malt.
“You don meet the girl before?”…
“Nope,I just..” Just then my fone rang.
“Hello,Mayo. I am at challenge”
“Ok,just come to Real food n wine..am inside”. Call ended.
“Na she?”..Dayo asked.
We started staring out the glass partition overlooking the road. Maybe we’d catch a glimpse of the girl before she walked in. It was a guy thing. About 10 mins later, 2 girls walked in. One was about 5’8, fair in complexion with an ass to die for, minimal boobs. This was definitely Miss Cutie, she wasn’t bad tho. The other girl was a bit taller at about 5’10 or 5’11, had a really nice physique matching boobs and ass and a lovely smile sha. Lucky Dayo.
“Yup,wow you rili look more gorgeous than your Avi”..I said as I stood up..1st lie of the evenin..she looked exactly like her avi jare.
“Lol,tank you”..she giggled..
“This is my friend, Salewa” she indicated the tall girl who had a wide smile on her face.
This was goin to be nice I thought to myself as I shook her hand and had them both sit down. I introduced Dayo to them and I thought I heard him say “Long time” as he greeted Miss Cutie. Probably the reagal was still working. Asked them what they wanted as we all started talking, we finally settled on Red Wine (Thank God, girls who drink beers (Star, 33, Gulder etc) are a big turn-off even if the guy doesn’t tell you).
Well turns out Salewa too had just moved to ibadan. New student at U.I..cool. About 30 mins later, Dayo said he needed 2 pick something from his car (this was a cue for “Bobo, let’s plan”) and obviously the ladies too need to re-arrange strategy. He went downstairs 2mins later I excused myself and followed him.
“Bobo, how far?…..how we go do the package?” I asked..
“Mayo that girl na olosho package..”
“Huh, which one?”
“The fair one..” Was his reply. “I don carry am before for bubbles, 3k”..probably the gin was still working in his system too.
“Shey I wan dey scope you ni?” No wonder I had faintly heard “long time”.. Time to change plans.
“Wetin u wan con do now?” He asked
“Well, na swapping thing. Since you don fuck am before, face am..I go take on Salewa”.. With that I turned and went back upstairs.
Got back to my seat,,and judging by the looks on the girls’ faces, it seemed they knew formation had changed.
“So,Salewa how’s Ibadan treating you?” I started my work..Dayo joined us about 5 mins later. More drinks and chops, Dayo and Miss Cutie were deeply in a quiet conversation while Salewa was telling me all about her ambition (coz I resemble Rick ross abi)……
To cut the already long story short, Dayo excused himself and Miss Cutie followed him..said they wanted to check out something at the Cran supermarket downstairs. Hmm somthing wasn’t right. Time was already past 8pm. Salewa was really a nice company, we exchanged pins and I excused myself..told her I wanted 2 check up on Dayo. I went downstairs..it was already dark sef..I entered the supermarket, walked around and there was no sign of Dayo or Miss Cutie..hmm, my mind started working maths! I got outta the supermarket and started walking to where Dayo had parked his car.. lmao, before I could get any closer..I could already see in the Driver seat..Miss Cutie bouncin on him. Osanubua of d seven seas..I just stood,watched a lil then turned back.
Salewa was all smiles wen I got back..
“Did u see him?” She asked..yes I said in my mind. He and your friend(my official date are fuckin in his car).
“Yea,he’s comin..” Well plan worked,he took Miss cutie,I’d take salewa. After talkin 4 about 10mins..it was pretty obvious Salewa didn’t wanna spend d night out on a 1st date. Well some other time sha..coz it was pretty obvious she enjoyed hangin out wiv me. Dayo came back in and Miss cutie not far behind..I just kept tinkin of her humpin him. Smh..had some more drinks and decided to call it a night.
Miss cutie said goodnight while Salewa gave me a rili big hug(like say na wetin go solve d matter b that). They left..
“Guy, that girl na confirm weyreh”.. Dayo said as we go into the car. Yes bro, tell me about it. I didn’t get laid.
“I see una na..she don fuck ur life out”
“Lmao so you even come downstairs, she no even wait make I put on condom sha. I tell you say I don carry am b4”..
“Bobo, na pussy go kill you last! Sha drop me 4 junction..”…
“If I close for work 2mrw, I go buzz you make I con flog you finish 4 PS”..
“Ode for ur dreams”.
I got off at the junction and took a bike home.. Well the day wasn’t bad after-all sha. I arranged the date, he got laid. “Sighs”.Baba God e no fair sha. Got home..paid the bike man..and walked up to the gate..pushed. No bulgin? Huh!! Gate locked..looked at the time..9-52pm